Do you exist?

http://www.ksat.com/news/14390162/detail.html

I often find myself questioning why things happen. I long ago decided to deny the existence of God. I choose not to place my life in hands of an entity I don't even know exists. I refuse to be led around by some unknown, unseen force.

As a child I realized that faith would be a crutch for me. I knew that in the end, whatever life threw at me, I had to deal with it alone. For while there are people who may travel with me on this journey called life, nobody else can experience what I do and no body else can fight my demons for me. So, I decided that instead of wasting my time, hoping for 'God' to answer my prayers, I would do my best to make sure I get everything I want. Mostly, I succeed. Anything that can be got with sweat and labor, I know I can get it. I have fought all odds to be where I am today. And no one else ever thought I would get here. It's bittersweet. To show people that I can do it, to amaze them, to surprise them and to be held in awe by them. And it is at times disheartening and maybe shameful to think how little they think of you and your powers, skill, determination and spirit.

Growing up I was a very vocal atheist. I have become a little mild over the years. Prudent, you would say. I still questioned the existence of God, but I started changing from an athiest to agnostic. Maybe there is something out there, something that controls the strings. Something that laughs at me, at all of us, while holding that ever elusive prize up in the air making us toll for it. And something that is cruel, so cruel to not deliver the promised goods even after making us bleed.

It's events like those (see the article) that make me question the mighty powers again. How can a God be so cruel? How can fate be such a...sadist. How can I worship something so twisted as being above my parents; something that has no heart and soul? And don't give me bull about Satan and karma and kismet. Isn't God supposed to be above all? Children grow up learning, and at times imitating the acts of their parents. I wish that if there is a supreme being, it would learn to be kinder to people, for how would we learn to be kind to each other if our Gods aren't?